coanteen part time pimp /metamia Window to the Soul/kiri dysphoria/esca pinklemonade/stella archive 1 2 3 4 5 6

Saturday, September 21, 2002 01:30 a.m. i can't believe this happened. there are pigeons on my balcony. they're there every day, shitting up a storm. onto my chairs, onto my cute straw mat...i hate them. they don't even bother to spook any more when i try to shoo them off. i always told myself (and whoever would listen), if i ever manage to catch one of those shit-factories, i'd bang its tiny brains out and leave the body for its cohorts to see. and fear. my chibis managed to climb onto my washroom shelf and break one of my eyeshadow container things. the whole washroom was a coppery, glittery mess. i had just cleaned up, flushed the chibis from out of the radiator and locked them up for the night, and was going to sleep when i noticed those damned pigeons out there. i wasn't in the best of moods. of course the things didn't fly off. i carefully made my way towards them, trying not to step in anything that would necessitate a shower, and they insolently sauntered to the edge on the balcony and just...stood there. frustrated, i grabbed at one of them - and caught its tail and right wing. it struggled and started making that coooo sound until i immobilized both wings and lifted it off the ground. then it went quiet. i considered smashing it against the floor. and, of course, did no such thing. i just held it for a while like people hold those white doves in wedding scenes, and then threw it into the air and watched it promptly fly off. it made me ridiculously happy. now i'm ready for sleep in a mood much improved, the loooong hand-washing session from handling the (undoubtedly diseased) creature notwithstanding. i expect to see it out there in the morning, and anticipate the return of my hatred for it and all its kin. Friday, September 20, 2002 12:42 a.m. visited meta last weekend. and saw her bro, which was nice, since i hadn't seen him in a long long time. am haunted by fleeting notions of breaking into their place and postering it with anime. clashing, garish anime. also, of taking the sai book. which would be fair, for i would leave her with lots of other anime presents. clashing, garish ones. and of course now i miss her lots T_T i would probably miss her less if i didn't go. it's like...i need to be weaned off. hmmm. is meta addictive? damn you~!!! *grope* found out today (did i find that out today, actually? maybe it just really hit me today) that i have an erogenous zone at the back of my head. really, really erogenous. responds really well to the vibrations from being shaved. to my utter disappointment, vibrator can't reproduce results perfectly. it's that little depression under the external occipital protuberance; i looked in an anatomy book but couldn't find a name for it, which is ridiculous because there are names for everything. quite often many names for one thing. many unpronounceable names. i need to get laid before i find any more odd zones. Friday, September 6, 2002 05:26 p.m. i was going to write another generic how-am-i-doing entry just because i haven't written anything in a while, but... THEN i saw meta's newest entry. specifically this part: "I don't know...covering my wall totally with anime posters doesn't appeal to me much anymore. Maybe I am growing up? *laughs* " WAAAAHHHHHHHHHH~!!!!!!!! metaaaaaaa~!!!!!! way to make me feel un-grown up~!!! T_T and i *am* grown up. hell, i modelled for those art classes you're now taking. ^__^ Tuesday, August 27, 2002 11:46 p.m. back home ^___^ back in school T_T went way wayyyy up north to camp with shelly. beautiful scenery. i guess canada has a lot going for it, if only "it" weren't so freakin' far away. ah well. anyways, it was great. we swam and hiked and hammocked and did a lot of other really fun nothing. i was nearly ready to cry when it was time to leave and go into the waiting clutches of neuro... and...we found gojyo up north~!! really truly. i have proof. heh. and speaking of school, we had an intro to the unit. guy said that neuro is when they understand the disease pathology. psych is when they know nothing about it but its symptoms. once they find out, the condition gets renamed and moved to neuro. weird. psych is operating in a total knowledge vacuum. mommy came in while i was away. she brought food and cake and did major laundry. i *heart* mom ^___^ Wednesday, August 14, 2002 11:04 a.m. soon my elective here will be over. in 2 days actually. i am looking forward to my one lousy week off. and sleeping in. not to school though. after this whole experience i want to start clerkship now, not go through 3 more months of school. it has gotten horribly hot yet again, although this time i'm glad and hoping it'll keep up for the camping trip. i feel like i'm just wasting time blogging. i don't really have anything to say. i should be trying to chase down my supervisor to get my evaluation done. why am i hiding in this tiny library instead? i don't feel like doing anything. yesterday was exhausting, it's too hot, and i'm wondering if anyone would even notice if i just went home. feel tired. *sigh* ok, going to find supervisor. Thursday, August 8, 2002 11:44 a.m. ah yes. soon i will be visiting esca at her bfie's. i believe we should act like tourists while there, secondary of course to raiding his house and general chaos-creation. of course. i have gotten over the feeling of being on vacation. having to go to hospital every day may have something to do with that. i am now slowly switching to thinking of esca's place as mine. probably a very good thing i'll only be here for another week. i have amazing adaptive and latching-on abilities, especially since i've been left to my own devices here. or perhaps it is already too late, and esca will have to find herself a new home. we'll see. my chibis have disappointed me greatly. yesterday i thoroughly cleaned the washroom where they're isolated, only to find the fresh litterbox upended all over the floor this morning. they are lucky i was running late... woo~!! and i got to suture~!! a real person~!! one who was unconscious and couldn't complain. but the resident said i have steady hands. i feel so happy ^___^ Sunday, August 4, 2002 05:02 p.m. *sigh* esca is gone to her bfie's once again. this time she eloped with her computer, forcing me to drag my ass to the hospital to use this one. which is slow and sad. thankfully she left her fan. i'm not sure if she just forgot it, or if she decided to leave it with me because of her boundless generosity (^_~), and i sure as hell wasn't going to ask while she was packing. but in any case: thankyouthankyouthankyou~!!! it's odd. while she's here i feel like i'm visiting, going on my elective, etc. normal. but when she's gone i start feeling like this is some weird vacation. one where i rented a furnished apartment in a cute touristy city, and spend my time wandering about its quaint downtown area and talking to the natives. for some reason this area reminds me of europe. where everything is in walking distance. maybe i'm losing it yet again ^__^ but it's kind of a nice feeling. Thursday, August 1, 2002 12:18 p.m. is too hot, nyo~!!! esca has eloped to her bfie's place, and so i have commandeered her fan. i am not letting you back in, esca~!!! my territory. nyah. got to chat with meta a couple days ago. hi hentai one~!! i miss you *grope* anyways she found a pic of me from the anime north con on the web. i feel so...strange and honored. i've never had a pic of me out there before. that i know of -_-;; here it is. i'm the middle right. Tuesday, July 30, 2002 09:18 a.m. i have now been at esca's for 9 days. both of us still live and, most importantly, so do my chibis. although i suspect that both esca and her bfie are (sub?)consciously trying to drown them by leaving the toilet open. hmmm... elective is good and exciting. something new every day, which pretty much means i never know the answer when the doc asks me. but they're letting me do way more hands-on stuff than at my own school (which might be because half the time they're unaware of my lowly student status, but whatever. i have a pager. ha). practicing playing go. not very good at it. possibly getting marginally better. nursing growing hatred for hikaru for treating sai badly. really *really* looking forward to my paltry 1 week break. and shell. break with shell. so i can cream her at go ^___^ Friday, July 19, 2002 04:35 p.m. ~ they're coming to take me awayyyyyyy ~ heh. soon i'll be living at esca's and stifling her personal life ^__^ soon? not soon *enough*~!!! Monday, July 15, 2002 09:50 p.m. read a quote by v. burden in reader's digest: "co-operation is the thorough conviction that nobody can get there unless everybody gets there". probably meant to be inspiring, but...it feels wrongly phrased somehow. or at least it makes me want to "get there" all by myself, and i consider myself to be a person who understands the value of teamwork. i also realized that i don't feel lucky or filled with a greater appreciation for life after my 3-week elective in the icu. i keep reading and recalling all those anecdotes from people who do, and it kinda makes me stop and say, waitaminute, i don't feel that. at all. now, i do feel that i wouldn't *want* to be in such crappy situations as those patients, but i don't feel lucky that i'm not. i just feel pretty much like i always feel. right now i also feel apprehensive about the elective at esca's because she told me horror stories about her clinical tutors, and all the elective people here have been really nice. Thursday, July 11, 2002 09:22 p.m. ah...what a productive day. bought stuff to make ferrets smell nicer from the outside in and the inside out (really. from the inside). "my" patient is still alive, apparently escaping the death curse of having me assigned to him. and i made my new mutual fund rep cry. yes, most productive. Wednesday, July 10, 2002 09:57 a.m. just who do you think you're fooling, meta? of course you want a demon baby. i'll babysit~!!! Monday, July 8, 2002 10:59 p.m. was watching learning channel program called "leeches, maggots and bees: bites that heal". it was...somewhat disturbing. not the leeches. those were cute, and green-red colored. not to mention nice enough to inject anesthetic into their victims before they bite. what kind little suckers. they're used in body piece reattachment to make blood flow again. brilliant. i suppose the maggots are brilliant too. but...ewwww~!!!! they're used as living dressing for infected wounds, and they eat up rotting flesh and bacteria. even drug-resistant bacteria. but how incredibly gross. i was thinking, could i have that done to myself if i was in those situations. i had no problems whatsoever with the leeches, but i think i'd have to be asleep while they put on the maggots. i just couldn't stand to see them going into my flesh. so very wrong. oh yeah. bees. good for your brain. go out and get stung~! NOW~!! Tuesday, July 2, 2002 06:02 p.m. *_* was in icu today trying to put a bottle of something used in a procedure back onto its shelf. i saw the nurse take it out and vaguely remembered from where, so i was looking for other bottles like it. and i wasn't really totally aware that i started saying to myself, out loud, "where are they, i know they're here, they hide from me, nyo..." was great seeing all you guys yesterday~!!! was like...highpoint of my summer to date. (yes, what a sad life i have) and thank you again for the manga, meta~!! you rock my world~!! mmm...evil nii...^___^ Monday, June 24, 2002 04:04 p.m. no, darling, it is you who misses the point: they're all *different shapes*~!!! the swiss army knife of penises~!!! ^___^* started icu today. got assigned a pt for learning. a pt who has like every-organ-failure. have to present his case tomorrow. Sunday, June 23, 2002 08:41 p.m. beastly hot. i refuse to go outside and leave the shelter of my pathetic little fan. my parents promise to bring a/c on tues. watching discovery's "summer fling". tv is right next to my little fan. must. watch. tv. plowshare turtle males fight over females by trying to flip each other over. sadly for them, females abhor violence, and go away when they see fighting males. the commentator said that the species is not extinct...yet ^__~ some species have really cool sperm - in addition to the normal fertilizing ones, they have blocker sperm that build a dam out of themselves to stop foreign sperm from getting to the egg, and hunter-killer sperm that seek out and kill foreign ones. sperm wars~!! new on fox~!!! cockroach males have 7 penises and have sex all night. they are truly superior to human males, eh, esca? 5 king penguins were captured and taken to a zoo. after 7 yrs, the officials grew worried about the lack of offspring and had their penguins sexed. the 2 couples turned out to be gay~!! ^O^ what are the odds? and finally in the vaguely disturbing news dep't - kurara is terrified of my vibrator. that is all. Saturday, June 22, 2002 04:23 p.m. O_o *this* is a football player?!? lucky lucky korea~!! thanks for scanning the pics and sharing with the world, meta. just saw lilo&stitch. it's really funny, much better than anything disney's come up with in recent memory. not any of that the-world-must-see-this-and-be-moved crap, just pure fun. go see it when you need a break, it's worth it. also - stitch's eyes are vaguely reminiscent of the squid baby. all roads lead to the squid baby. it's hot and i got my legs waxed, so i can wear shorts. wearing the ones i had in korea last summer, and feel so nostalgic. wanna go back to korea. not go to the icu at 8am (!) on mon to do...something. going to classmate's wedding on the 30th. big indian wedding. looking forward to it ^__^ Thursday, June 20, 2002 01:46 p.m. and you're better than them all~!!! better, i say~!!! *does esca-worship dance...uuuuuuuaaaaaaahhhhhhh* well, i have made a new litterbox out of aluminum baking pan. cost me $1. i am a genius. a cheap genius. and it works~!! ...for now.. meta, if you like qaf, check out this site. they do great snarky recaps and have an amazing, often hilarious forum. i always go there after an ep just to read the posts - often better than actual tv~!!! Saturday, June 15, 2002 08:46 p.m. woke up last night at...maybe 5am? birds were already noisy. without opening my eyes started cataloguing everything i knew to be within hand's reach that could be used as a weapon, and in what ways exactly it could be used. strange habit, started some time ago, don't know what set me off this time. sometimes i do the same when i walk home from school or shopping. which groceries would serve me best? discard grapes...apples might work if swung in the bag. kurara gave me a scare on thurs because she let me hold and pet her without struggling to get away. naturally i suspected fatal illness and followed her around to see if she would eat and eliminate. short digestive tract a plus in this case (and this case only). she did, and became more active, but i remained uneasy. until i came home fri after school to find that they'd managed to open their cage and completely undo my hour-long radiator-proofing job. felt too relieved to be unduly annoyed. Friday, June 14, 2002 08:05 p.m. yes, it does ^__^ HYAAAAAA~!!!!!!!! it's over~!! test was tues and went well (so i choose to believe), last tutorial was yesterday, and next week will be nothing but a group lunch and tying up loose non-school-related ends. army ones mostly. army recruiters came to school today (bad time for them because of the aforementioned HYAAAAAA which resulted in no students left in school), and i got a chance to talk to a couple of army docs. got a lot of questions answered and am feeling good. not that i could do a hell of a lot if i wasn't, but still. good. shell and i are learning go. our new local bubbletea place has a board, and they're starting to recognize us. it is good to be regulars ^_^ listening to utena songs. the fast ones. they're distracting me and i think i'm forgetting other stuff i wanted to mention. maybe. 'don't let us fall for life's base promises, that we can ever have more than this...' oh yeah. sounds *sooo* much better in polish. english sucks. Saturday, June 8, 2002 10:08 p.m. listening to polish music. depressing. 'this may seem amusing but in this moment she had nothing left, her three dozen years' i've two dozen. and a test on tues. not amusing at all. Tuesday, June 4, 2002 03:59 a.m. polite, eh? your remark spawned this damned introspection, your fault, so you better read and see what you've done to me. i can't sleep now. i think i missed whatever developmental stage is supposed to teach you automatic manners around older strangers. i kinda remembered i didn't mind isolation and figured that's why, but now i thought more about that. now. sleep-deprived. i always preferred to have only a few very close friends instead of groups, but i don't think i was ever all that isolationist before i came to canada. i became withdrawn to the point of hostility about going anywhere with my parents, and i don't like to admit that because it probably means i didn't handle the move as well as i thought i did, or as well as i'd like to think i did. i was actively hostile whenever my parents went anywhere with us, and i was a total bitch when they had guests with kids my age that i was expected to entertain/keep company with. eventually they just gave up and left me in peace at home, and the boy took over all entertaining duties for kids. actually i still don't like it when my parents' friends bring their kids, especially younger kids. but in any case i sometimes have trouble with so-called social niceties. i can rush into a phone conversation without introducing myself or asking the requisite how are you. and i miss thanking people for whatever it is that i want to thank them. and i'm aware of these, usually after the fact, and tend to replay the situation to see where i screwed up. i know *what* to do. but i need to think about it. i just don't do it automatically. there. now, isn't it better to focus on baby ferret walks instead of this? (and much thanks for the layout~!! chin iisou rocks~!!) Tuesday, June 4, 2002 03:21 a.m. new layout courtesy of (naturally) esca - promise, no nii~!!! i'm not always happy, by the way. i just store my unhappiness in the form of resentment and unreasonable anger and release at appropriate intervals towards inappropriate targets. *sigh* actually have to check myself from being angry at mom sometimes. and then feel guilty.