coanteen
part time pimp /metamia
Window to the Soul/kiri
dysphoria/esca
pinklemonade/stella
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pitas
Thursday, December 12, 2002 03:14 a.m.
today, i saw a heart beat.
*beat* *beat*, it went.
then it stopped beating. for...2 hrs? about right. then they made it *beat* *beat* again. the surgeon poked it repeatedly with his finger when it refused to start.
poke *beat* *beat* ... poke *beat* *beatbeat* ... poke
ok, so rib spreaders don't faze me at all. the fact that i actually forgot what inr is supposed to indicate does, however.
i wonder if i'm sounding disjointed. i've been awake now for 21 1/2 hrs. "awake" as in looking alert and learning about anesthesia, not as in sitting on couch watching tv. specifically, "awake" as in spending the last 10 of those hrs on my feet observing surgeries.
my feet hurt. i think they hate me.
i do not blame them.
i will sleep now. i wonder if i should eat, as the last time was 11 hrs ago. but i think i'm too tired.
oh, yes, esca. if you think bloody diarrhea gross, wait 'til you see diarrhea coming back up through a nasogastric tube. a whole litre of it.
no wonder i wasn't feeling too hungry...
Monday, December 9, 2002 10:21 p.m.
scrubs.
scrubs rule my world.
indeed, there is nothing better than scrubs. they are comfortable. they make you look professional. they are comfortable. you don't need to worry about dressing up every day. they are comfortable. and green. green is also good. and comfortable.
really, i don't know what people have against uniforms. every time they try to institute school uniforms, there's some sort of outcry. what is wrong with people? it is so much less work if you don't have to work out what to wear every day.
the whole world should wear scrubs.
Wednesday, December 4, 2002 04:58 p.m.
due to my too-too-short elective, i once again am fired with passion for the infectious diseases specialty. too bad the residency takes so long, and is so...internal med.
damned internal med.
it is sad that as you are leaving lectures behind, we here at pbl central plot how to get more lectures into the program. useful lectures. or maybe just...semi-useful ones.
it is sad to see students reduced to longing for lectures.
it is sadder to be one of them.
hey, aren't there lectures in clerkship? some of us here hope there are ^^;;
Wednesday, November 27, 2002 10:13 p.m.
ah, currently in a much more sociable mood. in spite of having to get up at 7am tomorrow, even.
for some reason, sociable moods make me want to dump on people i consider idiots. and so:
the romanov report on healthcare is due out tomorrow, and is rumored to include recommendations to disallow private for-fee medical services because they are somehow "unequal". ah, canada's overly socialistic system. how stupid it is.
at a time when even countries with similar systems are moving towards more private insurance and for-fee healthcare to alleviate the burden on the public system, canada is taking a mighty step back. well, if some people can pay for it, why the fuck shouldn't they? all it'll do is shorten the waiting lists for those poor suckers who can't.
as for private insurance for things like nursing homes, i'm sure people would rather pay premiums than be stuck with the bill should they require such care.
the system will never be fully equal in practice, regardless of whether or not private clinics are allowed. for example, as a member of the medical profession, i will never be stuck on month-long waiting lists. is that fair? maybe not, but it's reality.
and one the canadian people should face sooner rather than later, and quit holding onto their precious "egalitarianism" before the system collapses under too much ideology.
ah. there. and this is me in a good mood.
^___^
Tuesday, November 26, 2002 11:07 a.m.
yay shounen hump~!!! evil one must send, for i have no patience.
patients, patients.
no, none either. lab and books this week, yes.
i think i've severely withdrawn after the last couple weeks of incessant interaction with actual people. and starting a relationship, which i want but feel occasionally hostile towards. i'm too used to being alone, unaccountable for my time. being expected to spend the weekends with someone seems...such an imposition. what if i don't feel like it at the time?
well, then i'd hurt her feelings. i think that's the problem. i want to spend time with her. i just don't care for the expectation thereof.
i think.
i don't know.
Friday, November 22, 2002 08:40 p.m.
i am officially a clinical clerk~!!!
as of 6pm today, actually. i feel...i feel that i *should* feel more official. instead of, umm, tired -_-;;
but i am a clerk, and one with a life to boot. i'm certain i'll feel appropriately festive after some 20 hrs of sleep.
*yawn*
Saturday, November 16, 2002 12:46 a.m.
it is *so* close to the beginning of clerkship. just. one. more. week. and i find i can't concentrate any more.
i don't think any of us can, really. today's tutorial degenerated into a giggling discussion of psychopaths and auto-erotic asphyxiation.
future doctors, all of us...
plus i'm suffering from possibly-about-to-have-relationship distractions. life is...good?
Monday, November 11, 2002 11:53 a.m.
@_@
self-portrait, post-re. feeling urge to alternate with:
T________T
why is life (read: preceptors/administrators/whoever came up with this travesty of an exam) so cruel? thyroid? what thyroid? THERE WAS NO FREAKIN' THYROID IN THIS UNIT~!!!!
this quote is from incandescens' livejournal entry, and it fits my current mood perfectly:
Information does not want to be free. Information wants to be suspended from a pain rack, tied up with a ball gag, and to have the whip and the nipple clamps used on it. And, maybe later, a little blood work, if it's feeling up to it.
Wednesday, November 6, 2002 09:59 p.m.
I felt a cleaving in my mind
As if my brain had split;
I tried to match it, seam by seam,
But could not make them fit.
The thought behind I strove to join
Unto the thought before,
But sequence ravelled out of reach
Like balls upon a floor.
emily dickinson
Monday, November 4, 2002 02:58 p.m.
*^____________________^*
Thursday, October 31, 2002 03:56 p.m.
today i sat not more than 3 m from a murderer and listened to him describe the deed.
yes, psych clinical skills have started. psych is not what i'll be going into. ever.
in a couple of hrs i'll be getting into my gojyo costume from anime north and heading out to a party. where absolutely no-one will have any clue about what i'm supposed to be.
i guess they could recognize pokemon or sailor moon (shudder), but that's about it.
well, it should make for some interesting times when i start hitting on everything in a skirt. heeee.
Tuesday, October 29, 2002 03:13 p.m.
erg. yesterday i had to get some army stuff to do in meta's city of residence. i left my place at 7:40.
i returned at...7:40. 12 hrs~!! the whole damned trip took 12 hrs because of the &%#@% bus schedule. for some reason, the route crawls through every insignificant hole in the ground between our cities.
if it hadn't been for seeing you, even for a couple of hrs, i would have truly been pissed. somehow, you made the torture worthwhile.
*heart*
today is a lousy, odd day. first it rained, then it snowed, then there was a short period of mini-hail, now rain again. and grey, gloomy grey throughout.
i like the fall. it should be pretty and colorful. this is just...blah.
Saturday, October 26, 2002 08:06 p.m.
so, benylin made medicated freezer pops for kids.
medicated freezer pops.
life just doesn't get any better ^__~
Tuesday, October 22, 2002 11:26 p.m.
well, glory be~!!
my internet hath been restored (courtesy of shelly joy). i live~!! i live, dammit~!!!
Tuesday, October 22, 2002 10:00 a.m.
my @&#$&*^& lan card died on me. using school computer for internet. letter "d" on cheap school keyboard hard to type.
adding to general bitterness is my recently acquired knowledge of just where our tuition goes. it goes - into the main university~!!! not, as we are led to believe, into the medical school. and yet, the university is too fucking cheap to let us have a measly bus pass (bitter...so bitter).
of course, this explains the sorry state of our library and its turn-of-the-century medical books.
but hey, the undergrads just got a spankin' new student centre~!!! so that makes up for it all~!!!
i hope they all develop pneumonia at exam time (only the ones at my school, meta~!!)
Thursday, October 17, 2002 04:19 p.m.
made mochi balls today ^__^
ok, mochi squares. and one triangle. it's hard to get them round~!!
tra-la-la-la. not studying. eating chewy sticky mochi.
Thursday, October 10, 2002 11:01 p.m.
*cough* *sniff*
i am still sick. i long for the happy simple days of undergrad, where i could just joyfully stay home for a week and weather out whatever bug had gotten to me.
no such luck now. i stayed in for 2 days when my fever was at its highest (and most fun, really. high fever without a stuffy nose isn't all that bad - if you concentrate enough you can make yourself hallucinate. or think you hallucinate. same difference), but then i had to drag my ass back to school.
as a result, almost a week and a half later i still feel like shit. this sunday i'm taking my parents to some expensive restaurant for their 25th, and i can't *taste* anything~!!!
yeah yeah, it's for them. but i want to be able to *taste*, damn it~!!
i also don't feel i'm doing enough work. this may be partly because of this school and it's do-it-yourselfness. if i had courses and exams i would bitch and moan, yes, but i would feel good if i covered all things listed. instead, i feel i'm (barely) covering tiny portions of huge subtopics, and missing vital information at every turn.
the people who claim to be getting only 6 hrs sleep every night and not being able to watch one hour of tv a week freak me out, too. what are they doing? they don't seem to know that much more than me...
Monday, October 7, 2002 12:08 a.m.
i am sick.
i am sick and feverish and esca ignores me.
T___T
but meta called. this made me happy.
bet esca ignores you too, huh?
i am sick.
sick and bitter.
Friday, September 27, 2002 09:03 p.m.
ok, once again new blog layout. aahhh, these events are always so spine-chilling...awaiting what esca has cooked up in that evil brain of hers.
what does it say about our relationship that i don't quite trust her in this?
more importantly, what does is say about me that i do what she says regardless?
speaking of relationships, i was hanging out in the glbt club office today when the subject of boyfriends came up. more specifically, boyfriends from esca's bfie's city of residence. most disturbingly, the fact that everyone has/had a boyfriend residing in that fair city.
which begs the question, is it a city teeming with boyfriends?
or is there but...one???