Thursday, June 28, 2001 03:43 a.m.
I went to check out the YNM blog. This is what I got:
"This site was removed for Violations of our Terms of Service."
Meta is gonna have a fit. Hopefully, they'll make a new one soon.
Wednesday, June 27, 2001 07:36 p.m.
Mmmm... Couldn't leave my blog sounding so depressing... so here's another entry. Must try to at least sound happy... or I will go mad.
Actually, my life is fairly good. (repeat to myself) I have my own apartment where I can escape. I have a stable future... well... my career's gonna be stable anyway. I have the summer off. Going to Korea in a week.... Just because my family treats me like shit doesn't mean I should be depressed, right? ^_____^
Wednesday, June 27, 2001 04:17 p.m.
I read Meta's blog. I guess it's a few days old now... about her father? My dad does that too. Unload all his hardship and his financial concerns and make me feel totally depressed...and then hates it unless I'm smiling at him all the time.
The last time I felt really really depressed a couple of weeks ago... I was crying... My dad hates it when people cry. I think he feels guilty because he knows he has caused a large part of my misery. So he got angry and tried to beat me up (which my sister and my mother stopped). I sat there...watching him being going crazy and being held back by my mother and my sister...and I laughed through my tears. It all felt so unreal.
Ususally, he has the attitude "How dare you cry when you don't know the meaning of hardship?" I think I know quite a lot, thank you very much. What with emotional abuse, I think I know more than he does. Besides, my mom had been using the ploy "Do this unless you want me to be beaten to death by your father" more often recently...whenever she wants me to do something. I guess she does that because it works. I doubt my dad has the strength to really physically harm her..any more.....but it still makes me want to vomit and I do what she says...
She said it that night too. "Say you're sorry or he'll beat me to death." I was so fed up, I had to tell her "Well.. you'll just have to die then." I have enough shit in my life that I don't need emotional black mail on top.
And what's with my sister? Telling my father "She's not rational. Don't be angry at her. It's not worth talking to her and getting angry because nothing she says makes sense."
I almost got kicked out that night. Around 11 pm. And he's the one who nagged me to come home. So what am I to do if he tells me to leave suddenly other than to sit on my bed and cry and laugh? He also told me he's not going to give me any more financial support... Funny that I told him all along that I don't need financial support..and he had *insisted* that he wants to help out. I guess he thought it would give him more power over me if he paid for my tuition. Sorry.. My life is worth more than $10000 a year.
It's true that misery begets misery. I wanted my blog to be fun and happy too... But when I read Meta's blog... I remembered all the bad things that's been happening...and I just couldn't resist. Ahh.... Maybe I'll delete this entry.....
Wednesday, June 27, 2001 06:00 a.m.
Huh. I've spent too long on this blog layout. And it didn't even turn out the way I want... oh, well.. that was enough time wasted...
I went to watch a softball game by my class today. I think we were up against the phys. ed. department. Lost 15:2 or something like that... Pathetic, ne? ^^;;;; But it was fun.
Sunday, June 24, 2001 01:52 a.m.
huh... Still trying to figure out how this pitas thingie works. I guess you can't make changes to your archived pages?